Image by Thomas Allsop
Image by Thomas Allsop

Why I Stopped Seeking Romance

One of my favorite sayings is "What is for you, will not pass you. What is meant for you will always find you or its way back to you." It speaks to God's sovereignty and intentionality. Because God is control of every single thing in this universe, down to the tiniest atom, we can have assurance He is in control of our lives too. It still leaves me awestruck to think that the God who created the universe cares for and works in the tiniest details of our lives. It literally changes everything to know that our lives are so carefully and lovingly detailed by the author.

If we can trust the One who holds and knows our every tomorrow, then we don't really need to worry on missing out or messing up anything. Remembering this is especially helpful if you are single. If you are not married yet, it does not mean you won't ever not get married. What it does mean is that you are not meant to be married right now or in a relationship.

Often, waiting periods are portrayed as waiting for your life to start, and that suddenly, when you meet the love of your life, only then, can your life truly begin. I am not knocking romance, for I am definitely a romantic at heart. However, there is definite flaws in this way of thinking. Thinking that your life only begins once you get married or engaged or whatever can lead to trying to take things into your own hands. Waiting is hard enough as it is, especially if you tend to be impatient. I'm not talking about showing interest to a man you're interested in. That's different. I more mean going out and trying to manipulate circumstances to control the outcome of a relationship.

There's so many articles out on social media telling you where to go and how to find a husband. I'm sure they're valid articles, and it's true that you won't find one if you stay home. Nevertheless, why are we as women so obsessed with doing all we can to get a man? Why is that such a focus? It's like just sitting there with a fishing pole, waiting around until the right one finally bites. I've been there, so I get it. I've had to learn that no matter how hard I knock on a door, that if it's not meant to open at a certain time or at all, it's not going to open. Only God can open doors, just as He is the only one who can close them.

It's not wrong to desire or to pray for marriage. All I'm saying is that as single Christian women, it should not be the center of our life where we should be fully seeking it out. Although the waiting period seems like forever, once it's over, you'll never get this time back. Just as relationships take hard work, marriages are even harder work, and you're taking on a whole new role. You won't have the solo time you do now to just focus on your walk with God alone and growing in Him. We want to reap the benefits of a good marriage, but that also means putting in the work before as a single person for the person you will bring into that marriage.

Matthew 6:33 directs us: "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."

The context of this verse is discussing worry about the future. Scripture assures us that we do not need to worry about what is to come because God has it all taken care of. Our job is to keep our eyes and focus on Him, and He takes care of us, giving us what we need at the time we need it. He will always be our most important relationship, and while we have the sole focus without the extra roles we later take on, our preoccupation should be our relationship with the Lord. Our relationship with the Lord is the center out of which all other aspects of our life proceed from. Seeking God first is going to produce fruit of growth in our life than in any other area can.

The next verse (Matthew 6:34) continues: "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Each day is purposed, and you are given what you need in that day. Nothing more, nothing less. God puts us directly where we need to be, and He gives us the people we need for that season we are in--to help us, support us, or teach us. We must focus on what is right in front of us, day-by-day. If we don't, we can really miss out on some great moments and lessons of what God is trying to do right in front of us. If we are so preoccupied with the future, it's like missing out on your current novel by focusing only on what you'll read next.

Modern feminism will tell you that your love life is in your hands, and that you need to be the aggressor and take charge to find a man. Women are so dissatisfied with dating, and it's because we do all the work, not allowing for men to be men and pursue anymore. I actually think the biblical standards are better for women.

Proverbs 18:22 clearly tells us that a man is supposed to pursue a woman he wants to be or sees potential as his wife. "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD."

I don't know about you, but this brings me relief of pressure when it comes to marriage. It's not my job to go out and seek a husband. My future husband will pursue me. God will bring you your future husband when you and him are both ready. That man will woo and pursue you in a better way than you could by trying to initiate and control things on your own. Doing things God's way is always best. He wants, knows, and does what is best for His children, like the loving Father He is (Romans 8:28).

This doesn't mean that you should consider or even date every guy who comes to pursue you. It just means that the right one will. You may not know he's the one right away of course, and perhaps he may not be a romantic interest right away. You may have met your future husband already, but it's just not the time for you to be together. With the amount of novel troupes, you don't need me to tell you how many different ways a love story can occur (friends-to-lovers, slow burn, etc). If you want to read about the courtship process as described in the Bible in the Song of Solomon click here.

The main point is that since your future husband will find you, and God will take care of everything for you, then we, as women, get to put all our focus on growing in Christ. It's truly a precious relationship we get to have with the Father. I know for myself that journaling and sharing my deepest thoughts with the Lord is so satisfying, and He makes the best friend you can find. You can trust Him with your heart and your life. Just enjoy the quiet time you have with the Lord because you'll miss how easy it was to find the time to spend with Him.

Keep your eyes on Christ, for in Him you'll find everything. He will lead you to someone to walk with, and will cause you to turn your head.

By: Bible and Hot Cocoa (IG: @bibleandhotcocoa)

Jules is the founder of Bible and Hot Cocoa. She is a law student with a passion for standing up for truth. In any free time, she loves to read, study theology, write, and draw or paint. Jules's favorite book of the Bible would have to be a tie among John, Psalms, Ephesians, and Romans (as of now), and her favorite figure besides Jesus is John, David, or Paul.

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